i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
