You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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