I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
