Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
