whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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