i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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