I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
