mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
