Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
