hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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