I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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