For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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