i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
