he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
