Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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