I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's blow job season.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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