cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We left the knife in your bed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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