Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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