I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
