you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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