I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
