Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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