Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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