dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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