you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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