evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
