Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
