I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
