Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
