My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
