The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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