i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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