Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
