She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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