Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
