no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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