Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
