Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
