I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
