dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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