singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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