so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
