just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
