Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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