its not stalking. its research.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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