if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
