i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
