Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
