if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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