Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
