We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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