could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
