For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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