"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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