I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
